Friday, April 26, 2013

Our Story 2012

This is a long story that is not easy to write, it took me several days to get through it. As I said in the previous post, I don’t normally share this personal stuff on the blog but just this morning I got an email from a sweet friend that I never get to see anymore but love with all my heart and she made me so glad that I can share this story with you. The only reason I’ve decided to share about my infertility is hoping that I can help just one person in any way get through this themselves and now I know I have which makes my heart happy.

Please remember this is OUR story and your opinion may be different than ours but please be respectful and know that we are doing what we think is best. The choices we make or the decisions my doctor makes are what is best for our outcome and may not be best for anyone else.


You can read our original story here. I’m breaking this into two posts because it’s really long. I’ll start with 2012 and then have a 2013 post.

2012

Before Hannah turned one year old Austin and I started talking about when to try for baby number two. In June I went back to Dr H to discuss our plan and he wanted to start with a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to make sure I didn’t have any blockage in my fallopian tubes. The last time I had an HSG in 2010 it was not pleasant, I had blockage in one of my tubes and Dr H had me moving all around on the table until I felt a POP and the blockage cleared. This time luckily, it was much easier. Everything looked good on the HSG and we were told to return the month before we wanted to start our treatments. We really didn’t have much to discuss with Dr H, we had 17 remaining frozen embryos from our IVF in 2010 so we knew we were going straight for the frozen embryo transfer (FET). In September I started the hormones (pills, patches and injections) to prepare for the transfer. I also started back with my weekly acupuncture treatments to assist with the transfer that I still do today. My uterus and cervix are both sharply retrograded (tilted backwards) so Dr H has to go a few days before the FET and place a stitch in and pull my cervix forward. It feels as awesome as you can imagine getting a stitch done while you are wide awake and can feel everything (it is then removed immediately after the transfer is complete). It hurts and I dread it every single time. Anyways, October 11th was the big day and we were SO ready and sure it was going to happen. That date was significant with me because I’m a big believer in signs and Hannah’s embryo was transferred on November 11th and she was born on August 11th so I just knew it was going to work. The embryologist thaws the embryos two at a time and he had to thaw six to get the two that were transferred. The two embryos looked perfect! Dr H, Austin, and I were all really positive this was going to work. Dr H said everything in the transfer looked flawless and he was really optimistic about it. I just had to do my bed rest and then wait for several days to hear the results. I went in at 8am on October 19th for the blood draw and spent the rest of the afternoon staring at my phone waiting for “the call”. I had the negative call several times before with the IUIs but the last (and only other) time I had an embryo transfer and had to wait for the call it turned out positive and was a great day so I was very excited thinking this worked especially since the transfer looked so promising. Well, I didn’t get the call I hoped for. Dr H called after I got home from work and said that he was sorry but I wasn’t pregnant. I was shocked and very sad. I cried while Hannah stood there staring at me wondering what was wrong.

We went to follow up with Dr H the next week to discuss anything we could do differently the next time. He suggested I have a hysteroscopy in November to make sure everything looked good in my uterus. This is the only thing that I have ever had any regrets about through this whole infertility journey. I wish we had done the hysteroscopy before the October transfer especially since I had a C-section with Hannah (due to the chances of having scar tissue from the surgery). But what’s done is done and I can’t look back. So, in November we headed to the surgical center, got me hooked up to the IV and I was knocked out for a little nap. When I woke up I was told that there was significant scar tissue in my uterus as well as a large polyp. Everything was removed and cleared so I was good to go for a December transfer date. I returned to Dr H a few weeks before the transfer and geared up for FET #2. I had eleven (or so I thought at the time) frozen embryos left and was prepared for a December 13th transfer date. I had my cervical stitch already in place for a few days and on the afternoon of December 12th while I was still at work I got a call from Dr H. He said he was so sorry but none of my embryos made it past the thawing stage. It’s normal for a few to not make it but this was not normal. The embryologist did whatever testing he does and the report stated that the egg quality wasn’t great. The embryos were at blastocyst (the correct amount of growth for a FET) but they just didn’t make it. I was crushed. I immediately went into the conference room with the only person at work who knew what was going on and cried and cried, I could barely speak. I surely didn’t expect this to happen and I couldn’t believe it. We had nothing. We were out of embryos. When I went through the egg retrieval back in 2010 they got 25 eggs! That’s insane. Twenty of them fertilized and I thought we had 11 remaining. We didn’t have 11 like we thought, we had six. Some of the embryos from the October transfer didn’t make it through the thawing process as well we just didn’t realize it. But still, we had SIX left! A lot of people only get six total when they have an egg retrieval and now we had none. I was in a spot I never ever thought I’d be in again. I thought since the first egg retrieval and freezing were SO successful that I would never run out of embryos. So, on December 13th instead of going to get the FET we had to go back to Dr H’s office so I could get the stitch removed. It was terrible. I just lay on the exam table with tears going down my face while Dr H removed the stitch and Austin just held my hand silently. It was so sad. Thankfully no one else was in the office that morning since Dr H was scheduled to be with me at the fertility center. I could feel just by the hugs given to me that morning how sad they all were for us. I reached an all-time low for this whole infertility process during those few days. I was devastated and just felt hopeless.

I have to say though, I have an AMAZING doctor.  I've never dealt with a medical professional who is so caring and has such a great bedside manner.  I know he's the only doctor who's ever given me his cell phone number to call him anytime I have questions or feel that something isn't right.  And believe me, we've called him.  He also never makes me feel rushed, he's always so patient and I can tell he really cares about us and makes it known how much he wants this to happen for us.  Having a doctor like this makes going through infertility just a tad bit easier.

Continue to 2013 to read the rest of our story.   

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